Pirates IV

"There should be a Captain in there somewhere." This is what Jack Sparrow tells the London dudes about fifteen minutes into the movie. I don't know if you are aware...but his name is Captain Jack Sparrow. In case you have failed to hear the statement in the past three movies, he is indeed CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. After seeing the fourth film all I wanted to say was, "There should be a movie in there somewhere."

Pirates 4 starts off with Spain and London in a race to see who can reach the Fountain of Youth first. Jack meanwhile finds out someone is impersonating him, trying to recruit people into looking for (surprise surprise) the Fountain of Youth. Things happen, sword fights occur, and Jack winds up on Blackbeard's ship. Guess what he is after? That's right. This zombie raisin,' voodoo-doll making, sword sharpening guy is also looking for the Fountain of Youth because someone somewhere prophesied that he was going to be killed by Stumpy McGee. Throw Barbossa and Gibbs into the mix and there’s the movie. It is not too hard to follow really.

Pirates 4...that's about it. Nothing fancy, nothing mysterious. If you were hoping for a brand new set of movies, it may not happen. Don’t get me wrong; Johnny Depp delivers. The first fifteen minutes were absolutely hysterical. They just simply did not really expound on newer characters. Nothing is really explained about Blackbeard’s voodoo-ness: you are just to know he does it and that’s it. What really saddens me is lack of depth in the plotline. They really do try, but what happens is that the story just doesn’t deliver in the two hours that were given. I really think Bruckheimer shot himself in the foot by not spreading this movie out to actually three. What happens is that the new characters are forgettable and you don’t remember what you just sat through.

If you really enjoy Jack and you wanna go to see Jack, then go see the movie. Also if you are expecting a terrible sequel, go see the movie. It will probably seem alright. I, however, went in with high hopes and I left empty handed. It is good…but not great. It felt rather lukewarm, primarily due to the story.Overall though I would give Pirates 4 a 3/5

Sex/Nudity
So one word: naked mermaids. Okay, that is two words but all the same the mermaids show quite a bit in the movie. At one point a mermaid is chained up to a tree and all that covers her womanly-ness is her hair.

Hispanic Keira Knightley tends to be rather Ms. Scarlet Letter at times, so watch out for that. It is really not a kid’s classic Disney movie.

Violence/Gore
There is some killin’ and stuff going on, but if you know Pirates you know what to expect.

Profanity
Cursing isn’t all bad. I can’t recall much…I am sure it is there though.

Frightening/Intense Scene
Voodoo, Zombies, strangling, explosions, crazy mermaid chicks who eat people…it is all fun stuff

Yeah...We're Back

In case you haven't notice...we kinda haven't posted in 6 months or so. There were layoffs, pregnancies, that Great Depression thing, and not to mention the whole world ending a couple weeks back. Good news is we are back! Well, sorta. By tomorrow night we will have a full set up of new movies for you to peruse at your leisure, including some new releases in theaters and another wall of shame. We appreciate all two of you who have hung in there during this difficult transition. We just wanna say we are back...and we are lazier than ever.


Also wanna give a shout out to Frisky Gecko! This group of hard working, Tab drinking, meat eating people make it their soul purpose to bring you the latest news on them there videa games. If you ever have a question on if that Nintendo 3DS is worth the moola, check out their latest article. Also look in their "Bargain Bin Beauties" section to see what is good on the dollar. Check em out at http://friskygecko.blogspot.com/. As Arnold once said, "DO IT NOW"!

Clue (1985)

Yes, that’s right, they made a board game into a movie. I am sure most of you are thinking, “This is probably a junk movie with no plot, terrible actors, and a waste of my time.” Sir (or Madam), you are gravely mistaken. Clue is the bee’s honey. Even though Clue is based off a board game and has a weak plot, the actors make up for it. The script, although drier than the deserts of Nevada, is very well written. Before you start judging a DVD by its title, maybe you should actually see the movie. Or at least read this review.

Clue starts out in 1954 in a rather large mansion. Six guests have been called to meet at the house under pseudonyms like “Mr. Green” and “Ms. Scarlet”. Once there, they all learn each person works in Washington, each person has an embarrassing secret, and they are all being blackmailed by Mr. Body because of their secrets. The butler of the house, Wadsworth (Tim Curry), believes they should go to the police and put Mr. Body behind bars. Mr. Body has another idea. He presents each guest with a different weapon: a gun, a rope, a wrench, a lead pipe, a knife, and a candlestick. He then states that if they press charges he will expose and humiliate them in court. Instead he tells them to kill Wadsworth and drop the matter. One chance is given to kill Wadsworth as Mr. Body turns off the lights, but it doesn’t go according to plan. Someone else dies in his stead. Who was it? Was it Mr. Plum? Maybe it was Colonel Mustard. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Insanity ensues, more people die, and it just gets funnier and funnier.

Although this movie didn’t do so well in the box office, Clue is an amazing, hilarious movie. It even comes with three different endings. It can be a tad raunchy, and by tad I mean its raunchy most of the way. Christopher Lloyd does an outstanding job as Professor Plum, but they ALL doing an outstanding job. The only downside is that…well…I am sure there is one or two. It just may not be your taste, but I give Clue a 4 out of 5.

Sex/Nudity
Ok, listen up. There is a French maid in the movie and she wears rather scant clothing. There isn’t nudity in the movie, but it is pretty revealing. Just be prepared.

There is some making out going on.

One of the guests owns a brothel and many references are made to this.

Violence/Gore
There is some stabbing, shooting, bleeding, and brooding. It is all pretty much lighthearted and isn’t really a bother.

Profanity
Pretty low, that cursing. It isn’t too bad, but that doesn’t mean it is absent.

Frightening/Intense Scene
Someone is strangled. That’s about as frightening as it gets. Even then, the way people are killed is light and comical. The movie focuses on comedy and mystery, not horror and murder

Phantom of the Opera

The movie starts out in 1919 Paris where items from an opera house are being sold. Then it flashes back to the story, which takes places at the opera house in 1870. Two new men are taking over running the Opera Populare. The new managers begin listening to a piece from the new show the opera will perform. Carlotta Giudicelli (Minnie Driver) starts singing when the curtain falls on her. Madame Giry tells the new managers about the ghost of the opera house. Carlotta storms off so the men are forced to get a replacement for her. They are suggested Christine Daae to take her place. She is a success. When her friend asks where she learned to sing, Christine says an angel of music, which turns out to be the phantom, teaches her. While she is performing, the patron, Raoul (Patrick Wilson), for the opera house recognizes her from when they were younger. He wants to meet her after the show but the Phantom (Gerard Butler) locks the door and takes her down to where he lives under the opera house.
Carlotta comes back and to appease her they replace Christine with her for the next role. The Phantom sabotages the performance and forces them to replace her with Christine. One of the men working up rafters above the stage tries to catch the Phantom so the Phantom kills him. After that Christine falls in love with Raoul, the Phantom becomes jealous and wants to get rid of Raoul.
The Phantom disappears for awhile and everyone thinks he is gone. He shows back up at their masquerade ball with an opera he has written. Madame Giry tells Raoul the truth about the phantom and in an effort to trap him they perform the opera.
It is one of my favorite movies. I really enjoyed it and I’m not a big fan musicals. I think it is very well done. I would give it a 4 out of 5

Sex/Nudity
There is not any sex or nudity but Christine is scantily dressed at one point

Violence/Gore
There is some violence. There are a few sword fights. A man gets hanged, but you don’t see anything, and a guy gets strangled but again it is not shown.

Profanity
There was maybe a little

Frightening/Intense Scene
There were a few. When the girls visit a circus, the guy getting hanged, and the ending

Tron: Legacy

It starts out in back in the 80s with Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges) telling his son about the Tron world before he has to go to work, however his dad doesn’t come back. So we see Sam Flynn 20 years later and he’s kind of a daredevil, I don’t care about my dad’s company but I really do kind of guy. He breaks into his company and releases their new system on the internet before it can be released. When he gets back home, his dad’s partner, Alan Bradley (Bruce Boxleitner) tells him he has gotten a page from his dad’s old arcade place. Sam goes down to it to see if his dad is there. He finds a secret passage that takes him to where his dad used to work. While trying to see what his dad had been working on he accidentally triggers the laser that sends him into the Tron world where he is picked up because they think he is a stray program. He is forced to fight other programs with the discs. He wins and has to face the champion and is about to lose when they figure out he is a user. He is brought to who he thinks is his dad, but is really a program his dad had created of himself, who has taken over the Tron world.

I wont spoil the ending but it is pretty epic. I thought it was really awesome. It left me with a few unanswered questions but overall I loved it. Daft Punk did the music for it which was cool. I give it a 4 out of 5. It is definitely worth going to see

Sex/Nudity

It’s a PG movie so no sex or nudity. There are a whole lot of spandex outfits though

Violence/Gore

There are some fight scenes but nothing bad. There is no blood. People just get turned into a bunch of cubes when they die. The fight scenes are pretty awesome.

Profanity

Nothing crazy; maybe three words max

Frightening/Intense Scene

There are no frightening scenes but there are several fight scene none of which are bad.

Predators

Adrien Brody plays Royce, a mercenary, who wakes up to find himself in free fall with no idea of how he got there. Once he lands on the ground he meets up with several other people who are from different military groups from all over the world. They decide to work together to try and figure out a way out of wherever they are. While trying to find a way out of the jungle they figure out that they are no longer on Earth. The get attacked by the predators, who have apparently brought these people to their hunting reserve. While trying to get away from the predators, they run into Laurence Fishburne, the guy who played Morpheus, who has been on the predator planet for a long time. He tries to kill them to get their stuff, but they attract the predators and escape. Royce’s plan is to get the predator’s ship and use it to escape. I wont give the ending away, but it was pretty awesome and the twist with one of the characters I didn’t see coming. Overall I’d give it a 3 out of 5 because its pretty good but you are not missing anything if you don’t see it.

Sex/Nudity

Its Predator so there is pretty much none.

Violence and Gore

This is why you watch the Predator movies for the violence and this movie doesn’t disappoint. There is plenty to go around. Lots of cool weapons and fight scenes and plenty of glowing green blood by the end of it.

Profanity

The directors favorite word must have been the f word because for the first thirty minutes of the movie it is used quite a bit. But once the action starts there is some profanity but not as many f bombs being dropped

Frightening/Intense scenes

Like I said before, it’s a predator movie so there is a lot of intense scenes to go around.

Blade

Do you remember when vampires were actually supposed to be scary? They weren’t these preppy little teens who cry all the time? Well if you have forgotten what vampirism is all about, you need to check out Blade. As an avid movie watcher, I have seen Blade countless times, and it really doesn’t seem to get old. By Blade, I mean the first one. Not that horrible second or even the let down third. The first Blade is original, action packed, and entertaining. Be forewarned: there is a reason why it is rated R. A lot of violence, bloodshed, and cursing is found in this movie. This isn’t exactly something you’d pop in to distract the kids you are supposedly babysitting. This is for grown-ups. Even some of you adults may want to pass this up for Ferngully or something because it gets pretty intense.

Blade is all about a vampire-human hybrid who hunts the demon creatures. He tends to show no mercy to the children of the night, yet he is compassionate to humans. He runs across a recently bitten woman who he decides to try and save instead of killing her upfront. At the same time, he and Whistler (Blade’s mentor) are trying to track down Deacon Frost, a notorious vampire who does not go along with the traditions held by his colleagues. Frost believes that vampires should rule the world instead of making treaties with the human politicians and policemen. There is a big plot and scheme, but what you got to remember is that this is Wesley Snipes here. He is going to kick some serious Nosferatu. That is what should be focused on. It gets intense, as mentioned before. Blade is a great movie, but should be taken seriously when it comes to the violence. The graphics are good for the most part (some are laughable based on what we have today). Overall this is a great movie, has decent acting, and it can be watched over and over again. I give Blade 4 out of 5

Sex/Nudity

Ok, get ready for skimpy clothes, intense making out, and sexual references every which way. In the beginning a woman is…grabbing certain places on one guy. Within five minutes another woman was committing certain practices on a man while another one was kissing him. Like I said, it is not for younger viewers. Both scenes go by rather quickly, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. There isn’t any nudity on the other hand.

Violence & Gore

Where is a vampire movie without violence? It turns into a teen soap opera. Blade is full of people getting beaten up, stabbed, shot, burned, electrified, and even having their throats ripped off. It’s mainly the bad vampires though, so that’s a plus. Get ready for blood drinking, neck biting, and stake stabbing. Also has some of the best fighting out there. Reminds me of Mortal Kombat…but good.

Profanity

I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen a Wesley Snipes movie where he hasn’t dropped F-bombs left and right. Nothing has changed with this movie. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you hear every curse word imaginable and used rather frequently in this film. Not for the squeamish

Frightening/Intense scenes

Vampires. Need I say more? If you are a flincher, may not want to watch it. As mentioned before, a lot of stabbing, burnin’, and killin’. At one point a vampire gets his teeth pulled out with pliers. Just letting you know